Karrie On Dating: Not An Expert, Just An Extrovert

June 17, 2024

To Be or Not To Be Single? That is the question. Or, maybe we should be asking a different question: Why does it have to be just one or the other? 

Right now, I feel like I’m in a lull period, but not the one you would think. It’s not that I feel like I’m still in a relationship. I am actually very excited to be single. However, I’m just that, single, not alone. I’m embarking on a journey right now of enjoying being just me, not me plus someone else. I don’t need a plus one.

20 percent of the population is an extrovert, and that’s me. Unlike most “normal” people, I don’t need alone time, or, at least I don’t enjoy it like most people do. I probably do need alone time to recharge, which I am trying to embrace. I know it is good for me to take a break sometimes.

Anyway, dating as an extrovert is a whole different ball game. It is not talked about enough, and 20 percent of singles are navigating the treacherous waters of extroverted dating. Basically, as an extrovert, I thrive in environments that are social and robust. I constantly want to be around others. In fact, I am writing this article in a Starbucks because I am more productive when I am around others. So, how does this translate into my dating life?

The answer is, it is a whirlwind of emotions constantly. I love to be in love. When I crush, it’s more like a crash, more intense. I’m a romantic, but it does have its downsides. 

As an extrovert, I naturally do not like to be alone. Consequently, I have found myself in more than one relationship, or should I say situationship, that was less-than healthy. Extroverted daters are more likely to settle for the toxic partner who is only reliable for one thing, they will always come around for more. Even though they leave you dissatisfied and confused most of the time, you know they will come around again, just as flaky, mysterious, and confusing as ever, ready to lead you on just like before. But as an extrovert, I can tell you this type of partner can seem so desirable in the heat of the moment, when you are yearning for that sense of belonging.

Interestingly, the cereal situationship often seems the most appealing to an extrovert because we feed off of the “will they, won’t they” cycle. We fear being alone so we are constantly working overtime to build relationships. This part-time job we take on becomes so comfortable and natural that it breeds a perfect storm. We inevitably start to look for a relationship that leaves us chomping at the bit to be let in. 

The dating life of an extrovert is like a minefield. But then, why wouldn’t I have it any other way? Is it because I’m addicted? Am I an addict that requires a 12-step program just to be reprogrammed? I don’t think so… of course, I am aware that denial is the first sign of addiction, but just hear me out. 

For me, I believe being an extrovert is one of the greatest blessings. And for my dating life… Well, I actually think I'm doing alright. Here I am writing to you about dating while saying I’m merely doing “alright.” But, I never claimed to be an expert, just an extrovert. 

While my dating life may seem like it needs to sign up for AA, Affectionate Anonymous, I would not change anything at all. I would still go on every bad date, Tinder date, first date, and last date. I would go out with the lacrosse player, the investment banker, the pastor, the surfer, the actor, and even the guys who are still figuring it out, all over again if I had to redo my relationships. They all taught me something different. One summer, I was able to stand up on my surfboard and catch a wave. Last year, I learned which stocks I should invest in. And, from the pastor, I grew closer to God. 

Through those relationships, though, I learned the most about myself. I learned just how much I was willing to compromise, give up, and settle for, to be in a relationship. I learned that I had unhealthy boundaries. I wouldn’t let someone into my heart while simultaneously clawing myself into theirs. I wanted so badly to be with someone that I would protect my heart from them while still trying to be in theirs, and ignoring all the red flags. Most of all, I learned that I didn’t love myself enough. I want to be alright with just being me, not me plus one. So, this is the first article of a series that I am going to call “Dating Without A Plus One.” 

I am not swearing off guys. It’s nothing like that. Don’t worry. I haven’t lost my mind. I am still going to date and tell you how it goes, but my mindset will be different. I will think of myself as a single, no plus one. Just me. I need to be happy with myself as an individual before I can see myself as an equal member of a pair. Dating while focusing on individuality is not a common topic, but it is one that would certainly help me navigate the dating pool filled with players, past-boyfriends and pastors, and me, the extrovert.