Karrie On Dating: I Want What I Don’t Want

July 12, 2024

I know this column is long overdue, but trust me, it will be worth the wait. Trying to pick one topic to write about in the vast dating universe has been stumping me. I will pick a dating dilemma I want to discuss, but then I will get thrown in another direction, feeling completely opposite the very next day. But, can you blame me? In a world where we meet new people every day, new partners with every swipe on a dating app, and eventually meet our partners' parents, how am I supposed to maintain the same emotions, feelings, and opinions about my dating life while my dating life evolves every day? Shouldn't I evolve along with my dating life? And if so, is it a linear evolution or is it more like a maze of trial and error? Based on my experience, I would guess it's the second option.

Then, I got to thinking. Maybe, all of my tossing and turning emulates how I actually feel about my dating life. Instead of picking a lane, or as the joke goes, “picking Elaine,” what if you are into Elaine, but also into Jackie, and Emily just gave you her number? While I would not find myself “picking Elaine,” since I drive in the “straight lane,” I do get lost in that lane too. 

There is this guy from my hometown. Let’s just say my emotions took a beating, but I picked myself back up and I am working on getting over him. Then, there is this guy from Abercrombie. Yep, you heard that right, Abercrombie. I mean, isn't it an unwritten rule or something that you have to be hot to work at Abercrombie? It must be in the job description somewhere. I gave the guy checking me out at the register, who may have also been “checking me out” in the other way too, my phone number. Then, there is someone else who I met this summer. He makes me laugh, and I like that. 

What I am meaning to say is, I want what I don’t want. And, that has been really hard to navigate, and even harder to accept. That is where I am in my dating life at the moment. You may be asking yourself at this very moment, what does this girl know about dating then? I know it is okay to accept your feelings at face value, for what they really are. 

When I know I do not want to be in anything serious, I feel like outside forces are pressuring me, saying I should want a committed relationship. On the flip side, if I say I want a relationship, all of a sudden, I am not independent anymore and I should “date myself.” 

The thing is, I want to fall in love again. If you guys know me, you know I love to be in love. However, I really don’t think I want anything serious right now. I want to date for many years before I settle down. If I’m being honest, I’m not sure that I am ready to meet my person just yet. So, it’s just that: I want what I don’t want.

This has caused way too much overthinking for me this summer, but then I realized it can be quite simple. I love the place I am in because there is no pressure. I get to date, see who I click with, have fun, meet new people, and eventually the right one will be the right one. So, for now, I am not looking for anything in particular. Whether it is a long relationship or a short one, I am just excited to see who I meet.